A Few Funnies

General Off Topic
1

SHOPPING

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for
me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of
milk.

The wife asks him, “Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”

He replied, “They had avocados.”

If you’re a woman, I’m sure you’re going back to read it
again! Men will get it the first time. My work is done here.

WATER IN THE CARBURETOR

WIFE: “There is trouble with the car. It has water in the
carburetor.”

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous?

WIFE: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.”

HUSBAND: "You don’t even know what a carburetor is. I’ll
check it out. Where’s the car?

WIFE: “In the pool”

THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC, PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST
WORRISOME IN RECENT YEARS.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for
mental illness. That’s scary. It means 75% are running around untreated.

Today’s Short Reading from the Bible… From Genesis:

    "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be

found in all corners of the earth." Then He made the earth round…and He laughed and laughed and laughed!

“Apathy is the Glove in Which Evil Slips It’s Hand”.

2

“The car is making a strange noise”

----“What kind of noise?”

“Like something’s broken”

----“Well when does it make the noise?”

“Only when I’m driving it”.

Saying “I am offended” is telling everyone else that you cannot control your own emotions, and thus you need everyone else to do it for you.

3

A man was telling his buddy "You won’t believe what happened last night.

My daughter walked into the living room and said, “Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. Don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose.”

“Holy Smokes,” replied the friend, “she actually said that?”

“Well, she didn’t put it quite like that. She actually said, ‘Dad, meet my new boyfriend-- Mohammed. We’re going to work together on Hillary’s election campaign!’”