A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later.”
The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier?”
The nun replied, “He went that way.”
After the MP’s ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, 'I can’t thank you enough Sister You see, I don’t want to go to Iraq . The nun said, “I understand completely.” The soldier added, “I hope I’m not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!” The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of …I don’t want to go to Iraq either!”
Another one for you…
Cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you”
She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”
She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I’m single and Catholic!
“OK” the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child,” said the nun, “Why are you crying?”
“Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess; I’m married and I’m Jewish.”
The nun says, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party.”
John
hahahahah.it’s going to be a good weekend.
Little Johnnys neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When the mother & baby came home from the hospital, Johnnys family was invited over to visit. Before they left their house, Little Johnnys dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the babys missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he would not say anything about his ears. When Johnny looked in the crib he said, What a beautiful baby. The mother said, Why, thank you, Little Johnny. Johnny said, He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see? Yes, the mother replied, we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.
Thats great, said Little Johnny,coz he’d be screwed if he needed glasses.
dang!
A daddy shark was teaching his son how to catch and eat various fish. One morning the dad announced that he was going to teach the son how to eat swimmers. He explained that they would swim down the beach till they found a few and he would explain what to do then. After they found some swimmers the dad instructed the son to circle them one time with just his dorsal fin out of the water, the dad would join in with both his fins out of the water and then they would eat them. All went as planned and soon they were on their way home. The son asked why did they do the circle thing first. The dad replied that swimmers were a lot like shrimp, they taste better when you get the s**t out of them first.
ZX
GOOD ONE…