besides skinnee’s groupers and bikinis thread, this has got to be an all-time classic thread, beloved my many, bemoaned by a few…so in honor of IM4USC’s “wife in shower” thread, and skinnee taking it to a whole other level, I bring you How To Poop At Work…and no, I did not write this…
How to Poop at Work
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up
You know that there is a list that accompanies your list:
Ghost Poopie - The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet. Clean Poopie - The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper. Wet Poopie - The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won’t ruin them with stains. Second Wave Poopie - This happens when you’re done poopie-ing and you’ve pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more. Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie - The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke. Gassy Poopie (The Sonic Dump) - It’s so noisy that everyone within earshot starts giggling. Drinker Poopie - Occurs after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks in the toilet bowl. Lincoln Log Poopie - The kind of poopie that is so big, you’re afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush. Liquid Plumber Poopie - This kind is so huge it plugs up the toilet and overflows all over the floor. You should have followed the advice from Lincoln Log Poopie. Corn Poopie - Self-explanatory. Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie Poopie - The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet, cramped, and fart a few times. Spinal Tap Poopie - That’s where it hurts so bad coming out, you’d swear it was leaving you sideways. I-Think-I’m-Giving-Birth-Through-My-Asshole Poopie - Combination of Lincoln Log Poopie and Spinal Tap Poopie. The shape and size resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards. Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump) - The kind that comes out so fast, your butt gets splashed with water. Liquid Poopie - The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots o
You know that there is a list that accompanies your list:
Ghost Poopie - The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet. Clean Poopie - The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper. Wet Poopie - The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won’t ruin them with stains. Second Wave Poopie - This happens when you’re done poopie-ing and you’ve pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more. Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie - The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke. Gassy Poopie (The Sonic Dump) - It’s so noisy that everyone within earshot starts giggling. Drinker Poopie - Occurs after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks in the toilet bowl. Lincoln Log Poopie - The kind of poopie that is so big, you’re afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush. Liquid Plumber Poopie - This kind is so huge it plugs up the toilet and overflows all over the floor. You should have followed the advice from Lincoln Log Poopie. Corn Poopie - Self-explanatory. Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie Poopie - The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet, cramped, and fart a few times. Spinal Tap Poopie - That’s where it hurts so bad coming out, you’d swear it was leaving you sideways. I-Think-I’m-Giving-Birth-Through-My-Asshole Poopie - Combination of Lincoln Log Poopie and Spinal Tap Poopie. The shape and size resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards. Wet Cheeks Poo
For me growing up this was a very private matter, then I joined the service… You learn it’s a natural thing and then actually try and have fun messing with others about it.
My biggest aggravation is the jack legs that don’t check to see if they need a second flush. There are some nasty people in this world.
Ok Here is my best poop story. I was still hunting in an area next to a major highway. Up 20’ in a tree climber 20 yds from the road. Suddenly I hear brakes screeching and a car pulls off the road next to me and a well dressed guy runs into the woods drops his pants with his back to a tree and lets it fly! My camo was working well and he was unaware of my presence . By the sounds , it had a high liquid content. Sounded like he was in pain. Then he did something I never expected. Slipped of his shoes and removed his socks to wipe with. Moments after he left I climbed down and left. No deer would ever come near that smell!
Ok Here is my best poop story. I was still hunting in an area next to a major highway. Up 20’ in a tree climber 20 yds from the road. Suddenly I hear brakes screeching and a car pulls off the road next to me and a well dressed guy runs into the woods drops his pants with his back to a tree and lets it fly! My camo was working well and he was unaware of my presence . By the sounds , it had a high liquid content. Sounded like he was in pain. Then he did something I never expected. Slipped of his shoes and removed his socks to wipe with. Moments after he left I climbed down and left. No deer would ever come near that smell!