Thanks Larry. We are all qualified to give advice, but one has to take that advice and actually think about their situation and how it may or may not apply. True, everyone situation is unique as far as each individual response or action, but I would say that most problems in a marriage come about from NOT communicating the true feelings or thoughts to the other spouse. We often become mind readers and assume that we know the other persons answer instead of letting them express their own answers. Yes, many of us will get these responses right and it is hard sometimes disagreeing, but it only takes one of these assumptions to go wrong and cause a big mess in a marriage that could have been avoided with a little heart to heart. I also agree with you Larry about the kids and an unhappy home, but I think that is the last straw IMO as I am sure in yours too.
This is an aside to this situation, but when it comes to kids keep in mind that your kids are watching how you treat and interact with your spouse. They will mimic how YOU treat treat the other. Boys will grow up and view and treat women how they watched their Dad treat their Mom more often than not. Girls will be taught how to act toward men from their Mom. So watch you say to your friends about the your spouse in front of your kids. Men give your boys a good example of what being a gentlemen and a man is all about. It ALL starts with us as parents! Men, you want your daughter to have respect for herself and not take any crap from her future suitors and demand respect back from them? Start dating your daughter at an early age. Treat her just as you would treat a date. Make a date, plan it for her, ask her what she wants, open the door for her, make her opinion valuable, SHOW her what she should expect from any guy wanting to date her. It doesn’t take a long discussion about it, ACTIONS speak in volumes!! Got sidetracked, but I don’t think that can be repeated too many times!!
I’ve been married 42 years, and it hasn’t always been easy for either of us. Nobody promised it would be, but we both made a promise to God and each other. Love, honor, cherish, for better or worse, till death do we part. I intend to keep my promise.
I’m more familiar with this type of situation than I wish I was but my wife and I didn’t give up on each other. We separated for over a year to give each other space and to sort through life. As advised, both of us looked inward to find out why it happened and what needed to be “fixed.” Long story story short, through a lot of soul searching and a lot of prayer, my wife and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary last August. I know this may sound cliche but we’re closer now than we ever were. Each of us had something to “fix” about ourselves and that led to a better marriage. Yes, forgiveness is needed and if you’re truly wanting to make it work, you have to be willing to fight harder than you’ve ever fought to find trust again.
Earn it everyday
If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace.
Never shoot a large caliber man with a small caliber bullet.
Everyone is different and deal with things in different ways. My motto is “to each his own”. Do whats right for your life, not what worked for others.
I know people that have gone through this. They all have different solutions. I am not a fan of “once a cheater always a cheater”. I believe people can change. some of these people divorced, some forgave, some accepted it and now have an open marriage.
Everyone is different and deal with things in different ways. My motto is “to each his own”. Do whats right for your life, not what worked for others.
I know people that have gone through this. They all have different solutions. I am not a fan of “once a cheater always a cheater”. I believe people can change. some of these people divorced, some forgave, some accepted it and now have an open marriage.
Everyone is different.
People change. Change the person they cheat on you with. If you know in your heart that you would be loyal...expect the same in return. Bored leading to an affair means they are done with you. Just my opinion.
Being loyal to your spouse is much more than not having sex with someone else. So you if you totally neglect someones needs emotionally and physically, while you just carry on with your life and only want them when you need them, you expect them to not look elsewhere just because you “know in your heart” you would be loyal? I would say the person doing the neglecting was not “loyal” first. Just my opinion though. Also, almost EVERYONE is going to say they would be loyal if they were neglected, until they actually have to live with a person that is truly neglecting them. Some find a replacement without saying how they feel to their spouse, some try and try to get the attention of their spouse over and over and the spouse never changes and then they move on. In all of these situations there is LACK of real communication. When someone tells you how they feel, actually listen, don’t pass it off and think they will get over it because they will not. I doubt in the above situation that it was like he worked late for one week and she got bored, it was most likely over some length of time. If someone’s requests and pleading does not get attention, they will feel like the other person does not care and I don’t blame them. We can all sit here and say that we would not do that if we were neglected, but unless you were ever in that position you really do not know. It is not a fun experience and it builds resentment and with that comes an action and most of the time it is a bad one!
As FISH said, there is no black and white here, each is different in its own way and this man has to find that himself, but I think he dis the right thing in asking for advice. It can help one to not be so narrow minded and actually work toward a solution instead of months and months of fighting.
All good points to be considered… However, I think that a man would know if his wife is sincere in her repentance or not… I think the first thing I would do is look deep at her sincerity… Is she truly sorry for hurting YOU, or just sorry SHE got caught? That question makes all of the difference in the world!
The truthful answer to that question sets the stage for everything else talked about here…
I would bet my bankroll that there are plenty of men in this thread that have wives that just don’t give 2 &@&$s about sex and intimacy…Sorry this is a frustration rant…Not really answering your question…Just venting. What do you high and mighty people do when you go months on end without getting any…? I just need some guidance here because after 6 sex less months I pretty much wanna stab someone in the neck. Everyone gimme your thoughts.
I would bet my bankroll that there are plenty of men in this thread that have wives that just don’t give 2 &@&$s about sex and intimacy…Sorry this is a frustration rant…Not really answering your question…Just venting. What do you high and mighty people do when you go months on end without getting any…? I just need some guidance here because after 6 sex less months I pretty much wanna stab someone in the neck. Everyone gimme your thoughts.
I would be frustrated too if I were in your shoes. I’m neither high nor mighty but I’ll try to help. I don’t know all the circumstances of your marriage and if I did I still wouldn’t have all the answers. But I’ll offer a suggestion or six:
Start wooing her just like she is someone you just met and wanted to get to know better. Ask her out on a date (do something different than normal). If she acts uninterested, ask again in a day or two. Be persistent but not pushy. Get in shape, take a shower, brush your teeth, get a haircut, comb your hair, wear a nice shirt and pants. Not saying you don’t do these things already, just make sure you’re presenting yourself well. Here’s the kicker though: Do all this with no expectation of anything from her.
Mentally, think of all the things you love about her. Thinking about all the reasons you are angry with her is like a cancer. Try to forget the things that bother you for now. Love her strengths; accept her weaknesses.
When she talks to you, stop what you are doing, turn towards her, listen and make sure you are understanding her. Ask questions about what she said. Chicks dig that.
If you are using porn and masturbation to relieve your frustration, stop it. Now. Seriously.
Re-read all of RWL’s posts on this thread. He is wise.
I would bet my bankroll that there are plenty of men in this thread that have wives that just don’t give 2 &@&$s about sex and intimacy…Sorry this is a frustration rant…Not really answering your question…Just venting. What do you high and mighty people do when you go months on end without getting any…? I just need some guidance here because after 6 sex less months I pretty much wanna stab someone in the neck. Everyone gimme your thoughts.
I would be frustrated too if I were in your shoes. I’m neither high nor mighty but I’ll try to help. I don’t know all the circumstances of your marriage and if I did I still wouldn’t have all the answers. But I’ll offer a suggestion or six:
Start wooing her just like she is someone you just met and wanted to get to know better. Ask her out on a date (do something different than normal). If she acts uninterested, ask again in a day or two. Be persistent but not pushy. Get in shape, take a shower, brush your teeth, get a haircut, comb your hair, wear a nice shirt and pants. Not saying you don’t do these things already, just make sure you’re presenting yourself well. Here’s the kicker though: Do all this with no expectation of anything from her.
Mentally, think of all the things you love about her. Thinking about all the reasons you are angry with her is like a cancer. Try to forget the things that bother you for now. Love her strengths; accept her weaknesses.
When she talks to you, stop what you are doing, turn towards her, listen and make sure you are understanding her. Ask questions about what she said. Chicks dig that.
This freaking weather needs to break soon or we are in deep &@&$t.
(**() Cosmo up in here.
If you’re going 6 months without sex, you sure as hell don’t know what your tongue is for.
Mark
Pioneer 222 Sportfish Yamaha F300
Yeah, but do you consider a dog to be a filthy animal? I wouldn’t go so far as to call a dog filthy but they’re definitely dirty. But, a dog’s got personality. Personality goes a long way.
“Life’s tough…It’s even tougher if you’re stupid” John Wayne
I would bet my bankroll that there are plenty of men in this thread that have wives that just don’t give 2 &@&$s about sex and intimacy…Sorry this is a frustration rant…Not really answering your question…Just venting. What do you high and mighty people do when you go months on end without getting any…? I just need some guidance here because after 6 sex less months I pretty much wanna stab someone in the neck. Everyone gimme your thoughts.
This is what I use… You should give it a shot… It works 60% of the time, EVERY time… And it’s made with real bits of panther…
I would bet my bankroll that there are plenty of men in this thread that have wives that just don’t give 2 &@&$s about sex and intimacy…Sorry this is a frustration rant…Not really answering your question…Just venting. What do you high and mighty people do when you go months on end without getting any…? I just need some guidance here because after 6 sex less months I pretty much wanna stab someone in the neck. Everyone gimme your thoughts.
This is what I use… You should give it a shot… It works 60% of the time, EVERY time… And it’s made with real bits of panther…
